segunda-feira, 9 de abril de 2007

Susan


‘And how would I be?’
‘Oh, you’d be beautiful, just beautiful… You’d have your father’s square chin and blue eyes, and from me you’d inherit the fleshy lips and the dark hair.’
‘Mmm... I liked it. And what’s missing for my birth, mommy?’
‘Your father is missing, my dear.’
‘You haven’t found him yet?’
‘I have…’
‘So why in the world am I not born yet?’
‘Because your father and I broke up, sweetie.’
‘But aren’t you two going to make up?’
‘I hope so.’
‘Is he mad at you?’
‘No, he is not mad at me.’
‘Oh! You are mad at him, aren’t you?’
‘Again, no. Neither of us is mad. We are just not together now.’
‘So why don’t you get another father for me?’
‘Because you’ll only be born if he is going to be the father. Only he would give me the strength I need to carry you inside me.’
‘Is this strength you mention that love adults are always talking about?’
‘Yes. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. Love.’
‘Does everyone have to love in order to have a baby?’
‘No. Unfortunately not,… . A lot of people don’t have love but do have courage. I don’t have the courage to bring you into the world without giving you a good father. Besides, I’m quite afraid of departing on the day you arrive… But there’s someone who can help me out. And that’s who I want your father to be, you see?
‘I see… Couldn’t we call him up now and ask him to be my father at once?’
‘I assure you that he wants to be your father as much as I want to be your mother. But he’s afraid too. A different fear from mine, but still capable of troubling your birthday. He’s eager to have you near him, but we still need to work out some issues first.’
‘Oh, I got it. I’m not going to be born very soon, am I?’
‘It might take a little bit of time, yes. Sorry... The truth is that your father and I need to learn how to deal with some losses. I promise I’ll do my best to change that. We’ll soon be ready to welcome you, and you bet you’re going to be the most loved child in the world.’
‘Do you love him?’
‘Very much.’
‘Does he love you?’
‘Very much.’


She smiled. A cunning, gentle smile. And so sweet a look... Then I watched her image disappearing. And when I couldn’t see her anymore, I could still hear her saying:

‘So I’ll wait, mommy. I’ll wait.’

I woke up.

And because I could still feel her around I picked up paper and pen, and set down to write:

"Dear Susan,
My sweet little thing,
How good it is to dream of you!
This little note is an evidence that I’ve seen you,
That I believe in your existence,
And of how much I long for you.
Cross your fingers for me and your father, and do not hurry,
I guarantee I won’t forget my promise."

Mommy


Nicole Rodrigues

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